I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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