My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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