Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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