I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
