Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
