Yo dont text me then not text me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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