i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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