haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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