We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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