My nipple is on Facebook.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found the puke drawer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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