I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
