Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
