Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
