Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
