honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
