I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
