Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
