On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
