I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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