i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
