just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
