No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
