You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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