I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
