Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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