He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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