I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
