I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.