If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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