I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...