You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.