Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid