I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you have feelings for this penis?