and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i now understand why vodka
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
