Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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