return my video game
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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