If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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