I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
