does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
