Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
