dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
