There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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