hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
