weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
