Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
