i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
