I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
