There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
