I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The power of my boobs compel you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
