If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
