Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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