I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
