My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
