nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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