Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
