I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
