you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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