Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
