so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
