soooo we both peed the bed last night...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
