He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
