Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
