we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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