girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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