he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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