flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
