all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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