So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
