i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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