So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
