my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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