I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
