I wish I could punch you in the face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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