He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
