Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
