I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
do nipples grow back?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
