I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i now understand why vodka
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
