I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize