So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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