I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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