just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
