This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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