True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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