I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
