I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
