you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
