Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
