i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
