Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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